You Are Rad/Transcript

Transcript

View the episode's transcript here.

Speaker	Dialogue
The episode starts off K.O. walking happily to work]
Mr. Logic	Hello there, K.O.
K.O.	Hello.
Potato	[Pops out of the bushes] Hi, K.O.
K.O.	Hey!
Pterodactyl	K.O.! K.O.!
K.O.	Hello.
Cool Sun	Heya, K.O.
K.O.	[Thinking] Another perfect day ahead of me at my perfect job wearing my perfect little vest and my perfectly pinned name ta—
[Enid and Rad snores. K.O. screams waking them up]
Enid	What?! What happened?!
[Titlecard appears]
K.O.	It’s an emergency! [Gasps] I forgot my name tag.
[Enid and Rad laughs]
K.O.	It’s not funny! Without a name tag, do I even exist? How do you define exist?
Rad	Well, I got a half-day suckers. [Throws mop and tosses his name tag to K.O.] You can borrow this while I’m gone.
K.O.	[Holds Rad’s name tag and gasps] Rad’s name tag.
Rad	See you later, jerks.
K.O.	[Hops on the counter] Enid! This is so cool! Check it out. It’s a-me, Rad! Do you even [farts] lift? [Laughs]
Enid	Hey, pretty good. Oh! [Snaps fingers and puts straws on K.O.’s hair] Ha! What do you think? [Holds mirror out]
K.O.	[Gasps] I look exactly like Rad.
Enid	No way. Rad could never be that cute.
K.O.	[Gasps] A customer. Hi. Can I help you?
[Ted Viking groans]
Foxy	No, thanks, Rad. We’re just in for a top off. [Notices the coffee spilling] Whoa! All right, big guy, let’s go.
K.O.	[Gasps intensely] Enid, did you hear what they called me? I’m Rad now.
Enid	Chill out, brush head. Those two are dumb-dumbs. There’s no way anyone else is gonna mistake you for R—.
Bell Beefer	Rad! We’ve been looking all over for you. [Bell Beefer and Mega Football Baby comes in the store]
Enid	Okay, bye. [Turns into a tree stump]
Bell Beefer	You were supposed to meet us at the arcade.
K.O.	Arcade?
Mega Football Baby	Don’t tell me you forgot, Rad.
K.O.	[Thinking] All right, K.O., you’re finally getting an opportunity to walk a day in Rad’s patent leather boots. Of course I want to go to the arcade! Let’s get out of here, uh, dudes.
[Show scene with K.O., Bell Beefer, and Mega Football Baby in the arcade]
Mega Football Baby	Hey, Rad, want to play me in Throw a Shot?
[Pird tries to throw the bowling ball but falls onto him]
K.O.	Uh…
Bell Beefer	Or maybe we can have that air hockey rematch.
[The loser gets slimed in the Air Hockey game]
K.O.	Ew. Or we could play Mowing Boy 2!
Machine	Hoo-rah. Hoo-rah.
[Bell Beefer and Mega Football Baby laughs]
Mega Football Baby	For real though, Pop a Shot or air hockey?
K.O.	[Thinking] K.O. can’t play either of those games, but I’m not K.O. anymore. I’m Rad! And Rad is never limited by his decisions. I will play both.
Announcer	3… 2… 1… Ready? Go!
[Bell Beefer hits the air hockey puck and K.O. protects his goal. The puck moves at a slow rate. K.O. slids for a round of Throw a Shot]
Mega Football Baby	About time. You’re already… [Makes a shot] losing!
[K.O. throws three bowling balls making in the net. Mega Football Baby gasps]
[Air Hockey puck still moves slow and then Mega Football Baby and K.O. compete. K.O. makes the lost shot and wins. Mega Football Baby cries. K.O. is back at the air hockey game with Bell Beefer sleep drooling]
Air Hockey Puck Dude	Oh. Ew! [Makes it in Bell Beefer’s goal]
[Bell Beefer gets slimed]
Announcer	Rad wins!
K.O.	[Jumps] Yeah! [Laughs]
Drupe	Wow, Rad, you’re great at these games. Let’s hang out later, yeah?
K.O.	Okay.
Mega Football Baby	Whoa! Way to go, Rad. It looks like she actually digs you.
K.O.	Wow. A new friend.
Mega Football Baby	More than friends, dude.
K.O.	[Gasps] Best friends. [Thinking] This is so fun. Exactly what I imagined it was like being Rad.
Calendar Shop Tiger	Yo, Rad, just got a new shipment of these kitten-a-day calendars you love.
K.O.	Yeah! Those calendars rule! [Thinking] Wait a sec. Didn’t Rad say…
Rad	[As a cloud bubble] The only animals I care about are sharks and bees.
K.O.	Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Ginger	[Carries groceries] Rad, hope to see you at yoga again this week.
Rad	Sure, yoga strengthens your core, but core is nothing when you’ve got guns.
K.O.	Wait, I’m confused.
Gertie	Oh, Rad! [Her kids hug K.O.] I just wanted to thank you again for babysitting my kids. They can’t stop talking about you teaching them proper weight-lifting form. [Hugs K.O.] You’re such an angel! All right, kids, let’s get a move on!
K.O.	[Writes a list of “Radjectives” while thinking] Rad isn’t just some muscular jock. My mind was in a prison, but I know the truth now. Rad is… deep.
[Rad orders takeout at Weiner Kabob]
Rad	Let me see, uh, [Picks his nose] let me get five double kabobs and a large thirst blaster.
Bud	That’ll be $15.80.
Rad	Here you go, dude. [Hands Bud his card]
Bud	[Slides card and blasts receipt to Rad] Please sign. [Hands him a pen]
Rad	Get a lot of identity theft at the Wiener Kabob?
Bud	You’d be surprised.
Rad	Let’s see, how do you spell Rad again? [Chuckles] I know. I’ll just check my old trusty… [Feels that his name tag isn’t there] My name tag! It’s gone! How did this happen? [Gasps] Identity thief.
Bud	Told you, sir.
Rad	Without my name tag, I might as well not exist!
Bud	I could just take cash.
Rad	Hold on, name tag! [Rips seatbelt and kicks one of his car’s windows and climbs out] I’m a-comin’ for ya! Name tag! Name tag? [Crinkly looks over for name tags and hisses] Name tag? [Opens Neil’s mouth] Name tag? [Lifts under a rock] Name tag?
Gerald	Yes? I’m Gerald Nametag.
Rad	Where are you, name tag? It’s no use. Who are you?
K.O.	[Exits the Bodega] Rad, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.
Rad	[Sees his name tag on K.O.] Hey. Your name tag says you’re Rad. Identity thief!
K.O.	But Rad, I—
Rad	You stole my name tag!
K.O.	I’ll give it back.
Rad	Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? But I’m afraid there’s only one way to settle who the real Rad is. Rad-off!
K.O.	Talking it over.
Rad	Wait, what? No, no, we’re doing a Rad-off. You’re Rad. Should’ve known that. [The crowd sees the Rad-off starting] Welcome, everybody, to the ninth annual Rad-off. We are joined upon this hallowed ground to consecrate the one and true Radicles, for there is only one Rad.
Enid	Hallelujah.
Rad	This one and only Rad shall be determined through a contest of feats. Contest the first, belch race. [Drinks soda to get ready] [Burps which makes the cars go on fire and the alarms go off]
K.O.	[Jaw drops and drinks soda. Makes a little burp] Oh, well. Guess you won that one, Rad.
Rad	What kind of sick mind game are you trying to play here, Rad? Your burp was way faster than mine. But I’ll get you in the next round. [Shows the inventory room with the crowd] Contest the second— the lifting and arranging of crates. Now, get ready to witness crateness greatness. [Levitates the crate and pushes it to the shelf]
[Crowd cheers]
Rad	Your move, Rad.
K.O.	All right, get ready to witness my boxy, uh, moxy! [Runs to put the crate in the shelf real quick] No good?
Rad	No good? You didn’t even need to use your special alien beam powers to get that crate up there. It was basically the most baller thing you could’ve done.
K.O.	Cool. I keep winning. Maybe I’m really Rad after all.
Rad	Don’t get cocky yet, Rad. [Next contest is at the Bodega store] Contest the last. Rippity rap battle, dawg!
K.O.	Rap battle? Are we supposed to punch each other with rhymes?
Rad	More or less. Gimme a beat, Enid!
Enid	No, thanks.
Rad	Aw, man, come on.
Enid	[Sighs] Fine. [Puts on her DJ outfit and flips the counter to her DJ set. Plays music]
Rad	Yeah, I can work with that. All right, imposter, get ready, ‘cause this ends here. [Rapping] Ohh, I’m the extraterrestrial, emphasis on extra. My skin is blue because I come from Planet X, bruh. If you step on this, you gonna get creamed. If you outta line, you gonna get laser beamed. Arms ripped, afro poofy. Ears tipped, you goofy. Liftin’ and pumpin’ and crushin’ the weights. Don’t be surprised when I thrash you. Movin’ and settin’ and stackin’ the crates. [Uses his powers to move the crates] And you ain’t nothin’ but trash, do. [Throws K.O. into the crate “trash”] You lookin’ foolish. You ain’t the real me. I am the true Rad. I know you feel me. He is Radicles. Ain’t nobody ever wanna mess with me. I said he is Radicles. I ain’t got time for no identity thief. [Drops mic]
Enid	Hey! Careful with my gear!
Rad	[Picks up mic] Sorry, Enid.
Enid	That’s right you are.
K.O.	Uh, Enid, do you know "Wash Your Hands"?
Enid	I’ll see what I can do, K.O.. Knock em dead! [Replaces a disk with a new one. Plays a new song]
K.O.	Oh, cool. All right, here goes nothin’. [Rapping] Well, I’m Radicles and I’m here to say. I learned a lot about myself today. [Takes out notepad] I’m a yoga guy with a yoga mat. Don’t believe it, ask the kids I babysat. Sharks and bees ain’t where it’s at. I rather snuggle up with a kitty cat. I like to burp and I like to toot. But deep inside, I’m really cute. Wash your hands, wash your hands. It’s a good idea to wash your hands. [Drupe starts to giggle] Lather ‘em up with a little bit of soap. Wash your hands, don’t be a dope.
Rad	[Grabs mic from K.O.] Listen, imposter. I don’t babysit or do yoga, and I definitely don’t like snuggling kittens.
K.O.	I don’t understand. That all seems like cool stuff to me.
Rad	But Rad would never find that stuff cool. And even if he did, Rad wouldn’t be ready to share those things about himself. If you really were Rad, you’d know that.
K.O.	Oh. Gah! You got me! All that stuff I rapped about was lies. I was, uh, trying to embarrass you. Yeah. Isn’t that what rapping battles are all about?
Rad	I guess. Uh, yeah! Yeah, you’re right!
K.O.	Well, I guess my little plan didn’t work. You’re the real Rad— [Hands name tag to Rad and puts it on] tough, cool, and totally one-dimensional.
Enid	[Record scratches] All right, I’m bored. Everybody out. [Her DJ set turns back to a counter] [Changes her outfit and listens to her music]
Crowd	Aw. So lame.
Rad	K.O.! When did you get here? You just missed me crush this fake Rad dude in a rippity rap battle. [Scoffs] He was totally about to cry.
K.O.	I can only imagine. [Winks]
Rad	You got something in your eye?
K.O.	Nope!
Rad	Hey, Enid, can you play that freestyle I did back for K.O.?
Enid	Nope, nope.
Rad	Fine! I’ll just do a quick acoustic set for my pal K.O.. [Beatboxes] [Rapping] I definitely don’t like to knit in my spare time. Don’t want to sit and unwind with a ball of twine. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[K.O. winks]
[The episode ends]