|— This is a transcribed copy of "Let's Not Be Skeletons". —|
|Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.|
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[The episode starts off with Enid, Rad, and K.O. unpacking inventory from the truck while Mr. Gar records the inventory]
Mr. Gar: Gar-brand shellfish meat, Gar-brand gummy vitamins, Gar-brand toe socks, Gar-brand soap, Gar-brand—[A car passes by colliding with the truck and crashes] My… products! [The car backs up. Bo comes out with an amp] You! [He grabs Bo] You destroyed my wares! Why— Is that… is that an amp? [Gil Ferris looks out Mr. Gar arguing from the head mirror] Is this supposed to pay me back, [Gil Ferris turns the mirror] for thousands you cost me?! Tobby’s pickles, laser forks, shaving beams, all gone! [Gil Ferris steps out]
Gil: Easy, daddy. [Titlecard appears] Where’s the fire?
K.O.: Over there. [Pans to the truck on fire] Consuming the truck you smashed.
Gil: Hey, good eye, short-pants.
Mr. Gar: [Approaches to Gil] So you’re the one who brought this destruction.
Gil: Destruction? No, I’m here to bring unto you the future.
Enid: Dang, look at all that ice.
Rad: Yeah. Nice plump fingers, too.
Mr. Gar: I don’t know what you’re selling, buddy, but we got two rules here at the Plaza— no destruction of property, barring emergencies, and no soliciting.
Gil: Solicit? Sir, you offend me. [Tosses his business card to Mr. Gar] And this is an emergency.
Mr. Gar: There’s no emergency.
Gil: Isn’t there? Give me a “C”, Bo.
[Bo whips out his guitar and Gil grabs one of the boxes of soap from Rad, sets it down, and steps on top]
Gil: Well, you got problems. Problems right here in Lakewood. [Crowd approaches] Yes, sir, you got barrelfuls of crime. And I tell you it ain’t good. ‘Cause you got villains who come and fight [Images of Darrell, Shannon, and Raymond are shown] Keep you up all hours at night. And I tell ya, it’s enough to make a fella feel unsafe. [Gertie gasps and holds tight to her children] Well, now, I hear ya. Ya say, partner, stop complain’ [More crowd comes] Well, gather’ round, open up your ears. I’ll start explainin’. ‘Cause I brought me a solution. And I’ll start a revolution. With the most amazing product [pulls out the Skeleton Remote out] called a Skeleton Remote.
Neil: Skeleton Remote?
Gil: That’s right! Skeleton Remote. It’s the best thing ever invented, but, uh [shows rings] I don’t mean to gloat. ‘Cause it’ll keep you safe where evil lurks. It’s user-friendly, tiny quarks. Come on ‘round, and I’ll show you how it works. [Grabs Potato to demonstrate it, while Bo pushes Big Bull Demon to be demonstrated on] Well, you hold that remote up in the air. See that villain right over there. [Puts a hat on Potato] Pull down on your ten-gallon brim. He’s eyeing you, and eyeing him. [Pushes the button on the remote] Pow! You watch that laser fly. Bam! You hit ‘em between the eye. [Big Bull Demon turns into a skeleton] Now he’s just a skeleton. [Pushes the skeleton out with his cane] And your problems melt away. Thanks to—
Choir: Skeleton Remote!
Gil: That’s right!
Choir Member: Skeeeeleton Remote, ooh!
Crinkly Wrinkly: Does it have any other uses?
Gil: No! It only has the one. But it’s the only one you’ll ever need. [Enid and Rad tries to grab the remote] It’ll keep you safe from evil deeds. [Carts of Skeleton Remotes rolled in front] Ya won’t get harmed if you get armed. With a Skeleton Reeeeemooooote. [Backdrop rolls in] [Crowd comes in to buy it] Skeleton Remoooooote. No refunds.
[Next scene shows the Bodega with Enid playing around the Skeleton Remote turning stuffs into skeletons while Enid laughs]
K.O.: Uh, that seems really dangerous.
Rad: [Throws his remote up in the air] Yeah, Enid. Quit running around like a weirdo.
Enid: Oh, you mean, like you? [Points her remote to Rad]
Rad: Ahh! No, please— [Zaps Enid into a skeleton]
Enid: Rad, you doofus! It was a joke! [Turns Rad into a skeleton]
Rad: Ahh! My beef! It’s all gone! You’re gonna pay! [Fails to laser zap Enid]
K.O.: Your powers are gone!
Enid: That’s okay. The Skeleton Remote is our power now.
K.O.: No, no, no, no, no, no! [Jumps off the counter] That remote is bad, I tell you. Just wait here. I’m gonna get you both back to normal!
Rad: Half day?
Enid: Yeah, sure.
[Rad and Enid walks out the Bodega]
K.O.: [Knocks on Mr. Gar’s door] Mr. Gar! Mr. Ga-a-ar! Mr. Gar, please, you in there?
[Mr. Gar wears headphones and shoots Lord Boxman cut-out with his Skeleton Remote]
K.O.: Oh… [Heads out of the Bodega] All right, there’s got to be someone around here who knows how to fix this. [Bumps into Neil]
Neil: Aah! Oh, it’s you. Uh, how can I help, citizen?
K.O.: Do you know how to change back from a skeleton?
Neil: K.O., there are bigger problems here! There’s villains everywhere. You can’t— Aah! [Shoots Brandon and A Real Magic Skeleton] Oh! Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry.
A Real Magic Skeleton: Eh, don’t worry about it. I’m fine.
Brandon: You call this fine?! [Munches on chips] I don’t have a mouth ‘cause of him!
A Real Magic Skeleton: There, there, you’ll adjust… in time.
Neil: Sorry about that K.O.. K.O.?
K.O.: [Runs] Unh! Got to find someone who can fix Rad and Enid…
Fish Dude: Perhaps I can help. After all—[Turns into a skeleton] Never mind. [Whistles]
Neil: Sorry! I thought he was attacking you. [Shoots up] Sorry. I said I was sorry! [Runs]
K.O.: Dendy! [Sees that Dendy turned into a skeleton] Aah! Got to find a way to solve this problem! [Gasps] That’s it!
Gil: [Gives the Skeleton Remote to Drupe] Thank you kindly, stranger.
K.O.: Mr. Problem Solver!
Gil: What do you want, Tall-socks?
K.O.: Is there any way to change back from a skeleton?
Gil: Oh, no. No, it’s totally irreversible.
K.O.: You mean my friends will be skeletons forever?!
Gil: Wouldn’t be a very good product if it didn’t do what I sang, now would it? Thank you kindly, stranger.
Darrell: No, thank you! [Running willy-nilly with the Skeleton Remote] One death ray, please.
Gil: Skeleton Remote.
Gil: And thank you—
[Darrell runs willy-nilly with the Skeleton Remote]
K.O.: I thought you sang these were for heroes.
Skeleton 1: The kid’s right! What are you trying to pull?
Gil: Whoa, folks! There’s no need to worry. ‘Cause you’ll have all the power. Be the heroes of the hour. [Bo pushes a button] With the brand-new 3-pronged automatic Skeleton Remote. [Shows a shelf of 3 pronged Skeleton Remotes] Available exclusively to heroes.
Skeleton 1: Oh, okay, that makes sense.
[Crowd pays for the other Remotes but blasts them. Gil is being carried from the crowd]
K.O.: You’re not a problem solver. You’re a problem creator!
Gil: Think I should change my card?
K.O.: Oh… E-Everyone’s gone cuckoo! [Darrell chases Drupe with a Skeleton Remote] Whoa!
Crinkly Wrinkly: Ooh! Sorry, K.O.! Still trying to figure out how to work this doodad—[Pushes a button and turns into a skeleton] Oh! Figured it out.
Ernesto: Out of my way! [trying to blast Neil while Neil tries to blast him]
[Raymond and Punching Judy are chasing each other. Colewort and Shannon. Darrell and Drupe, Red Action, and Gregg and Nick on top shooting each other]
Darrell: I’ll never give this power up!
K.O.: I guess there’s only one thing left I can do. Everything is bad now and there’s nothing I can do about it! [Carol mediates]
Carol: Things might seem bleak, but you still can’t give up.
K.O.: I can’t?
Carol: Of course not. You’re a hero and a hero’s got to be there for all the people who still have meat on their bones.
K.O.: That’s true. Maybe I could talk to people about returning their remotes. I don’t know. Maybe that’s dumb.
Carol: What’s the worst that could happen from trying? Certainly nothing worse than if you— [A beam hits Carol turning her into a skeleton] Don’t.
Gil: There’s still plenty of remotes for everyone.
K.O.: Thaaat’s it! [kicks Gil] My fellow Lakewood Plazians, lend me your ears and I’ll… Oh, uh… Four score and seven, eight, ah…
Skeleton 1: Is that boy saying something?
Skeleton 2: I don’t really listen to people unless they’re singing.
K.O.: Singing? Hey, um… Could you, um… [Bo turns his guitar to a keyboard] Oh! Okay, thanks. Look at what you’ve all become. A bunch of heartless skeletons. Zapping people on a dime. No matter if it fits the crime. Oh, you can never take it back. Once what’s done is done. All your lives are out of whack. As a skeleton. So I plead with you, Plaza folks. Please turn in all of your remotes. [Shows a bin and opens the lid] We could make the plaza safe for all. So what do you say? Let’s end this brawl!
Crowd: No way!
Skeleton 1: It keeps me safe from dangers!
Crowd: No way!
Skeleton 1: There could be evil strangers!
Crowd: No way!
Skeleton 2: Then I’m keeping mine, too!
Crowd: No way!
Skeleton 2: To protect me from you!
K.O.: Well, what about rules and regulations. For when, where, and how they’re used? Ban this remote from all situations. [Shows pictures of remote not allowed in school, park, and Lakewood Plaza] Where it can be abused?
Mr. Gar: That infringes on individual liberty! And I won’t take responsibility. For the folks behaving like fools. Why should I follow your rules?
Carol: [Shows a child with a Skeleton Remote] ‘Cause all these fools are running wild, Gene. I’ve been reduced to this. And is it all worth my boy feeling sad. When he can’t get a good night kiss?
K.O.: [On a rope with wings] Now there’s bones in all the spaces. Where I once saw friends’ smiling faces. What more can I do. To convince all of you. [Bo moves the rope] This remooote must b-e-e-e contro-o-olled? This remo-o-ote must be-e-e con— [Someone shoot the rope turning into a skeleton]
Neil: You can have this remote when you pry it from my cold, hard, skeleton hands!
[Crowd angers are starts shooting K.O. and turns the stage into a skeleton]
K.O.: [Runs] Ahhhh! [Enters the Bodega]
[Mr. Gar and Neil runs into the Bodega while the crowd still finds K.O.]
Mr. Gar: No use hiding, K.O..
K.O.: [A laser turns a can into a skeleton] Huh?
[Mr. Gar and Neil holds their Remotes out]
Mr. Gar: End of the line, son.
K.O.: I… I’m too young to be a skeleton! [Throws a can and turns into a skeleton]
Mr. Gar: You should’ve that before you threatened our rights! [Repeatedly turns cans into skeletons]
Neil: Yeah, what he said. [A can is tossed at him and drops his Remote] Hey!
K.O.: [Holds out the remote] S-Stay back. I-I mean it.
Mr. Gar: [Holds out his remote] Easy now, K.O.. Let’s not do anything we might regret.
K.O.: Isn’t it already too late for that?
Neil: Oh, just do it already!
[K.O. shoots but realizes that it was just a dream]
Carol: K.O.? Is everything all right?
K.O.: Mommy! [Carol hugs him] Your eyeballs! Your hair! Even your skin!
Carol: What in corn’s name are you—
K.O.: My dream! There were these remotes that could zap people into skeletons forever! And Enid got zapped and then Rad, a-and then you! And then Mr. Gar tried to zap me, too, and I— I…[Cries]
Carol: Okay, K.O.. You know Mr. Gar would never hurt you.
K.O.: Yeah, but it was so scary. I-I don’t want anything like that to ever get in the hands of the public.
Carol: Well, you know what I always say— if you’re concerned with public safety, call your local Congressman. [Winks]
K.O.: That’s a great idea!
Congress Woman: Let me just approve your application here… [Hears about a phone ringing when she’s about to stamp an application] That’s a call from one of my constituents. I have to take this! [Picks up phone] Congresswoman here. Mm-hmm. Skeleton Remote? I’ll deal with it right away. [Hangs up] Sorry, Mr. Ferris, but your request is denied! [Stamped the application]
Congress Woman: [Writes on application] Furthermore, Skeleton Remotes are now illegal forever! [Uses a pole to hit the chalkboard]
Gil: Now, hang on, ‘cause… You and me can work it out—
Congress Woman: [Pushes Gil] No, no, no. Now get out of here before I make musicals illegal, too! [Slams the door] [Flys to her desk] Ahh.
[The episode ends]